I bet you have had this experience or similar….

You are in a meeting – you have to make a contribution in some way – given an opinion, share an update, present some work. You do it, just like you do every other time. But it isn’t comfortable, you feel anxious, you imagine how you look from the other’s perspective (which isn’t good), and you compare yourself to others in the meeting and come up short. You probably don’t give your best performance because half of your attention is monitoring how you sound and the imagined reactions of others rather than just on delivering your content. 

Then comes the post-mortem – you ruminate, you dwell, you get annoyed at yourself. The emotional energy that is consumed by this post-mortem is exhausting. You feel tired and not yourself and then you get irritated at a colleague – your tone of voice comes out sharper than you intended. You see their reaction. You feel guilty. Another post-mortem ensues….

You then have another catch-up scheduled with your leader. You feel ruffled, stressed and overwhelmed. You want to come across as confident, poised and on top of everything.

But your internal emotional state is COMPLETELY inconsistent with this. You dread it and anticipating this meeting becomes another trigger over the next two hours as the minute countdown….

A part of you is responding to the trigger but another part of you is confused or even annoyed at yourself that you are finding these seemingly minor things such a “big deal”. Your ‘over-reactions” to these seemingly minor, day-to-day things can become a trigger in and of itself. 

It can feel like you are moving through your day just recovering from a series of emotional triggers. Then you take this intense emotional state home – and you can’t be who you want to be for your family.

Let’s unpack this process a bit more and how I can help you. Firstly, what exactly is an emotional trigger?

What is an Emotional Trigger? 

An emotional trigger is a response to a particular situation (which could be something external to you, a thought, a memory, an image, a bodily sensation or another emotion. These triggers can be small or significant, but they usually lead to reactions that seem disproportionate to the current situation. For instance, an innocent remark might make you feel angry or defensive without understanding why.

“What you experience in life leaves behind imprints in your body“

These reactions aren’t just random; they’re linked to past emotional experiences stored in your nervous system. What you experience in life leaves behind imprints in your body, particularly when those experiences involve trauma, unmet emotional needs, or distress. Your body remembers these moments through sensations like a pounding heart, anxiety, or a sinking feeling in your stomach. These body-based memories act as a kind of emotional map, shaping how you respond to new experiences.

So an emotional trigger feels bigger because it isn’t just about what is happening in the here and now. There is an emotional resonance from previous experiences you have had. 

“When an emotional trigger happens, your nervous system shifts into protective mode, even if the actual threat no longer exists.”

Why does our brain hold onto the resonance of previous experiences? It is trying to keep us “safe”. You see the language of our nervous system is good/bad, true or false, right or wrong. It is primarily concerned with helping us adapt to situations so that we get our physical and emotional needs met so we are SAFE. It is wired for survival, constantly scanning for safety or danger. Depending on how our body interprets these signals, we either respond in a calm, socially engaged manner (safety), or we become hypervigilant, anxious, or even shut down (danger). When an emotional trigger happens, your nervous system shifts into protective mode, even if the actual threat no longer exists.

Our nervous system also isn’t just concerned with physical safety. It is also very concerned with emotional safety or how SAFE we feel with others. For a human being, if you are connected to other people in a way that feels safe, your nervous system will feel relaxed and calm. If you feel judged, criticised, misunderstood, shut down, dismissed or betrayed your nervous system will tell you are are not SAFE in the SAME way as if your physical safety is threatened. 

So, if past traumas or stressful experiences leave a strong emotional imprint, your nervous system will be primed to react in a similar way when triggered. For example, a difference of opinion with a colleague in the present might unconsciously remind you of more intense conflicts from childhood, causing you to react more intensely. Or feeling not heard in a meeting may unconsciously remind you of a disinterested parent. Or having to performance counsel one of your team may cause disproportionate guilt because your parent gave you too much responsibility too young. 

So once you understand the primary question your nervous system is trying to answer—“Am I safe?”—you then have to understand the particular criteria your nervous system has for feeling safe or unsafe. This is where knowing your schemas is a superpower. 

How Schemas Add “Flavor” to Emotional Triggers 

Schemas are deeply ingrained belief systems formed early in life that colour how we interpret the world around us. They form a lens through which we see the world, shaping our thoughts, feelings, and actions. If we experience rejection, criticism, or emotional neglect growing up, schemas like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll be abandoned” might develop. These schemas feed into emotional triggers, adding a distinct “flavour” to our reactions.

For example, someone with a defectiveness/shame schema might feel overly sensitive to criticism or tone of voice and may avoid difficult conversations that should be had. Or someone with an abandonment schema might find it hard to move or transition into different teams or roles because they find it hard to break connections or leave the safety of who they know—their fear of abandonment causes them to create appropriately intense bonds with colleagues and leaders to avoid the pain of old abandonments being triggered. 

If you look at the logic of these reactions through the lens of the present day, it won’t make sense, and you will judge yourself.

If you look at your emotional reactions through the lens of “Okay, my nervous system is telling me I’m unsafe. What schemas are being triggered?” You will be able to decipher the underlying theme of your emotional triggers. Are you feeling rejected, abandoned, or criticized? By identifying this, you can problem-solve more effectively because you realize the trigger isn’t solely about the present but a pattern influenced by past beliefs and experiences.

Your Emotional Triggers No Longer Need to Be Confusing

Gaining a clear understanding of your emotional triggers and schemas allows you to respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively. By recognizing the “flavour” of your triggers and how your nervous system operates, you’ll spend less time feeling overwhelmed and more time in control. Small adjustments in how you map your nervous system and approach your triggers can lead to meaningful, lasting results.

Remember: Emotional triggers are simply your body’s way of signalling what feels unsafe.

You don’t need complex strategies to navigate them—just the right awareness and tools. By focusing on understanding your schemas and listening to your body’s cues, you’ll be empowered to lead with confidence and clarity in all aspects of your life. Your goal? To create a sense of emotional safety so you can show up as your best self, no matter what comes your way.

Dr. JC ☺️

I specialize in helping leaders and entrepreneurs like you break free from old emotional patterns and navigate your triggers with ease. Through deep, schema-based coaching, we’ll work together to identify your core triggers, expand your emotional resilience, and create lasting changes that allow you to show up powerfully in both your personal and professional life.

Click the icon above to visit my website